Pregnancy for first time parents-to-be is a wonderful time for two people — she gets to learn on the fly how to literally grow a human and he gets to do everything he can to try and create some kind of balance to what she’s doing (as if making a grocery run at 8:00 p.m. is some kind of contribution to the child). I think that when Kelly and I decided we were ready to have a child, one thing that I didn’t play out in my head was the pregnancy process.
At this point of writing this, there is a little part of my brain cautioning me to be careful with how I approach what I think I am going to try to say in this blog.
First of all, you always hear about the difficulties of having children.
- You’ll get no sleep
- You can’t imagine the amount of laundry you end up doing
- Keep your mouth closed if you are changing a baby boy’s diaper
What you rarely hear about are the things you experience during the pregnancy part. Some things are difficult, some things are misleading, and some things are actually fun/cute. With that in mind, let me hit on a few things I’ve noticed as Kelly and I near the end of our (her) first trimester.
I think I saw a quote from Jenny McCarthy about how whoever came up with the term “morning sickness” is full of shit because it lasts all day long — and this is true. One of the most helpless feelings in the world is watching your wife get sick because she can’t tolerate food. And it’s not just the tolerating food part. Sometimes anything can trigger her, from catching a whiff of the dog food to the thought of eating something that made her sick weeks ago. I bought her these flavored rice cakes when she was going through a “bland food only ” phase, and I’m convinced she will have some kind of reflex when she reads this thinking about the one day they made an “encore appearance” in the toilet bowl.
Food in general
I always said before Kelly got pregnant that I would be curious to know what her “pregnancy craving” food would be. I had heard of women who never liked a certain food all of a sudden craving it when they got pregnant. While there hasn’t been anything out of the ordinary in terms of cravings, there have been some food things I’ve found funny (little voice in my heard cautioning me to not use the word “funny” — proceeding against my better judgement).
One thing is that after a few days/weeks of not being able to tolerate hardly any food, Kelly found out that egg sandwiches were staying down. There was a period of about a week where we probably had egg sandwiches for breakfast six out of seven days for breakfast, and a few times for dinner as well. It made me laugh to see three dozen eggs in a fridge for two people who would be going to the grocery store in a week, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
I’ve witnessed my wife cry during America’s got talent, the PGA Tour, and possibly a Wal-Mart commercial in the past two months. I can’t help but laugh (in a good way!) at how connected she is to everything it seems like. I don’t think I realized how different this aspect of her pregnancy. Now, there have been times where she’s admitted to an ounce or two of annoyance toward me, sometimes for good reason and other times for….good reason. But all in all, I think the change in emotion as been something that has surprised me thus far.
I have genuine guilt when she is in pain and I can’t “fix” her. Even before we got pregnant, I had a hard time with allowing Kelly to vent to me about something. I didn’t have a hard time because of anything she said, but because my natural reaction is to try to fix the problem. She’s told me more than once (but less than, let’s say, 45 times) that she doesn’t always need me to fix her problem, but to just let her complain, or to let her be upset.
But, when she is in real pain or can’t eat because, I feel guilty that she is suffering and I am able to run or eat whatever I want, or feed the dog even. I know she doesn’t want me to feel guilty (at least not ALL the time), but it’s been something that is hard to shake and I still want to “fix” whatever her problem. We both know there isn’t anything I can do, but I need to learn to just listen better and not try to find a solution.
There is a lot more than just these things, but we’re only 1/3 of the way done and I’m sure there will be many more lessons learned in the coming months.