So the lottery is up to $200 million and that is the exact number that get’s people saying, “Hey, lotto’s up to $200 million.” My problem with the lottery is that when you do decide that the money is high enough to justify spending $1, $5, or (gasp) $10 on some hope and dreams for the day or two leading up to the drawing.
I always said if I got an enormous amount of money, I wouldn’t change too much about my life. I’d have a nicer car, nicer house (though nothing Tyson-esque), and maybe a toy or two, but I don’t think I’d all of a sudden be this pompous, unapproachable douche that you wouldn’t want to have a beer with.
But since we’re playing make believe, I thought I’d make a list of 10 things I would put in my imaginary Amazon cart after I win my $200 million. My Amazon cart might have a few things you can’t buy on the actual Amazon, but I’m not going to buy a house, car, or private jet with this order. For the sake of making for an interesting read, I’ll leave those in my cart for my next order.
1. Diamond Collar for my Dog – this one isn’t so much for me, but since we rescued my dog, he said that if we ever got rich, he would want a diamond studded collar. The odd thing is, he isn’t a flashy guy by any means. I don’t know if it’s a power play on his part or why this seems to be his life’s work to get, but if I had the money to burn, I’d make his dreams come true.
2. Groupon for Wheels Up trip to Mauritius – just because I’m rich now doesn’t mean I need to pay full price for things. In this world, Groupon has a deal for a two week vacation for my wife and I to go see the underwater waterfall and stay in a tiki-hut type of place that you have to take a walking bridge out to get to that is in the middle of the ocean and there’s a fishing hole (that we wouldn’t use, babe) in the middle of the floor so you can look down at the fish. Rogue and his diamond collar would also be there.
3. Dog Nanny – the thing about winning $200 million is that a lot of what I want to do involves travel. Now that I got back from my trip to Mauritius, it’s apparent that if we are going to bring our dog along and not leave him at a bunch of Rover.com people’s houses while Kelly and I travel, we’re going to have to get a dog nanny to watch him while we are out doing our thing, but leave when we want to seat-belt session on the couch without someone judging our TV habits.
4. Charity Raffle for 4 rounds of golf with Rory McIlroy, Justin Timberlake, and Mark Cuban at Augusta National, Cape Kidnappers, Pebble Beach, and Old Portmarnock. (Rory because he’s my favorite golfer, Justin because I’d tell Kelly that he wasn’t that great in person even though he really is, and Cuban because I’d listen to anything he said.)
- There was a special link on Amazon to buy this raffle. Site has since been removed.
5. Trip with Kelly to see Justin Timberlake in concert in Nashville, and hang with Rory and the Cube backstage – she’d be mad if I didn’t include her in meeting those guys, so I’d but a mulligan with these guys and we’d go out VIP afterward so Kelly would like me again.
6. Private meal cooked by Thomas Keller – I ate at his restaurant in Vegas once, and now I want to private VIP treatment. Impress me with something vegetarian that I’ll never forget, and make sure the bar is stocked with some top shelf.
7. 1/2 day at Dayton Speedway to race Ferrari’s like they did in Entourage – There is an episode on Turtle’s birthday where Vinny and the boys race Ferrari’s and at the end of it, Vince gives one to Turtle for his birthday. I’d bring a few buddies to the track and we’d do that. Might also have some BMW M5’s to race around too.
8. Bachelor-style date with the wife to some castle in Europe where we’d have dinner and private concert by Avett Brothers afterward – We would of course take a helicopter to get there and there would be fireworks in the distance and we’d have a bottle of champagne to drink along the way. Don’t tell me the logistics don’t work I’m rich and it’s already in my cart.
9. 3rd Gen Apple Watch – Nothing fancy about this one, except for the fact that I want to bypass the next Apple Watch 2 and just get the 3rd one that will be life-changing. It’ll have some specs that will allow you to hear a phone conversation without putting anything up to your ear and instant Apple Pay where you don’t even have to check out, the watch just recognizes what you bought and pays the store as you walk out.
10. Orin Swift Wine – I’m going to be doing a lot of traveling, so I’m going to need to have all the wine I can handle to keep me occupied while I’m wheel’s up. Orin Swift is my favorite company because I’m a sucker for labeling.