In general, I am not a very “stressed” person. My mindset is usually one where I absorb whatever unpleasant situation that might arise, decide that “what’s done is done” or “what will be will be,” and figure out how to move past it. Sometimes, I think people want to dwell on stress for entirely too long. I don’t know if it’s because they want to believe that their stress trumps anyone else’s stress or if they think there will be some sympathy on the back end from people. I know people who over dramatize whatever happens to them in order to, I can only imagine, almost make you envy them in some backwards kind of way. In any case, people handle stress in any number of ways.
Today is the Thursday before Easter. Every year since I can remember we would go out to my Dad’s side of the family for Easter Sunday and we would have a big dinner, which would usually take place at 12:00 or 1:00 which is still funny to me that it’s called dinner. Anyway, today I was looking through Facebook and I saw a post from my Sister-in-Law addressed to the Facebook page for the “Rauch Family Easter Dinner” explaining that she and my brother and niece weren’t going to be able to make it out this year.
Side Note: The fact that there is a Facebook page dedicated to our family holidays cracks me up. This is the family that 3/4 of the entire family lives on one stretch of road in Newark, Ohio and still has the same red barn I remember growing up. It seems like a world that will forever live in my memories, but now they have Facebook to organize holiday dinners.
I’m losing focus.
The point is, I completely forgot about going out to “the farm” this year for Easter. Usually by this time, I have talked to my Dad and we have arranged a time to get out there and when to leave. Here’s the point: it stresses me out that I will let my family down that I will not be out there this year. It stresses me out that, although it’s not like I am staying home, that I feel like I am losing touch with that side of my family. It stresses me out that my relationship with this side of my family exists more on Facebook than it does in real life.
Today, for whatever reason, I have been feeling stress more than most other days. A lot is happening in my life and maybe it’s all catching up to me. Maybe it’s normal to feel stress and my way of shrugging when the weight of the world hangs over me isn’t always the right way to handle stress. I’m stressed about moving. I know I should be excited to start looking for a house but I can’t help but wonder if I am ready or if I want to settle in Columbus, Ohio. I’m stressed that I can’t write more blog entries. I’m stressed that I don’t know what to blog about some days. I’m stressed that I cannot finish books. I’m stressed because I don’t have any money to play poker and even though I’m confident that I’d win, I cannot justify gambling money I can’t afford to lose. I’m stressed that I can’t justify buying a hat or a golf shirt I want (This could be a whole other blog post and it will be eventually. I have inability to buy things for myself. It is what it is.). I’m stressed that I have debt. I’m stressed that I pick at hang nails until they bleed. Stressed that I don’t know if I do this because I’m stressed or if I do it which causes me stress. I’m stressed that this list is getting so long. I’m stressed that I started in fantasy golf Graham McDowell instead of someone else and I only will have 6 starts left with him and he is shitting the bed.
So before I ramble off the edge…
I am not trying to turn this into a pity party blog entry and I am not trying to make it seem like what I stress about is any more or less important than anyone else. I know there are 100 million people who would read what I stress about and tell me how lucky I have it. And I think that’s why I never allow myself to show stress to anyone else. I feel like I am blessed to stress about things like hang nails and not being about to blog. But this way of thinking prevents me from stressing about the things that actually matter, like feeling like I am losing a part of myself because I am losing touch with the side of the family I do not identify with as much as I used to.
I think we stress because we cannot quite grasp what really matters. We stress about the little things because we don’t want to admit what really scares us. Fear and stress are very closely related. Stress is the blanket we use to hide ourselves from fear. My wife stresses out when I do not answer the phone when she calls because she thinks I got into a huge car crash. I stress about not seeing that side of the family enough because I fear the day when I don’t see them anymore. It doesn’t mean one stress is more legitimate than the other, rather, it means we all interpret our fears differently allow stress to affect us uniquely.
So how do we cure stress? Should we cure stress? Is there a world where we can honestly say we do not fear anything? I think we are born without fear and the more we understand and more we know, the more we learn to fear. I think the right approach is to embrace stress. Understand stress. If we can be honest with the reasons we stress about something and get down to the root of what we’re afraid of, we can learn to manage our fears and get through the hard times. To conquer stress, I believe we have to be honest about what we fear, decide if we are able and willing to address our fears, and ultimately either do something about it or learn to live with the daily worry that our true fear will someday come to fruition.